Now That I Am Old
by alwaysimagined
Summary: Odin always thought that Loki would be the one to take care of them.


The candles around Odin's desk were burned down low, barely nubs in their holders. That was the reason why—Odin would swear to himself much, much later when Asgard was so horribly bright while his heart was so dark and everything was wrong—when Loki peeked his small, dark head around the corner of his Father's doorframe, Odin did not instantly look up. The hour was late, the lighting too dim, and Loki too small. He was easy to overlook.

He was often easy to overlook.

"Father?"

Odin did not look up from his desk. The treaties on his desk needed to be on their way to Vanaheim in three hours. They were important.

"Fa—"

"What is it, Loki?" Odin's eye remained firmly on his papers. "You know it is far too late for you to be wandering about."

Loki swallowed. "I know, Father. It is just…I had a question."

"It couldn't have waited until the morning?"

Quietly, Loki eased his way closer to his father's desk. Odin shifted his gaze over to his son.

Loki was tense. His shoulders were wound tightly and his fingers clutched tight enough to shine white in the haze of the candlelight. His breath was shallow like a sickly babe who may not make it through the night.

His face was weary and haggard and the dark, tired spots marring his eyes were identical to the ones Odin saw in the mirror every morning, all those years ago when he brought home a frost giant and then sat up at night, counting breaths and begging the Norns. He should have looked up at Loki sooner, the second he walked in the room.

"Come here, Loki." He says and Loki snaps forward, pulling himself eagerly into his father's lap. "What plagues you so?"

Loki wrapped his arms tightly around his father. "Rorak's grandfather died. My weapons master?" He leant his head against his father's chest. "Honuk was talking about it with the other masters. He passed away in bed but Honuk says it's a disgrace and he should have died in battle instead but he didn't. He passed in his sleep and…" Loki leant up and pressed his face into Odin's neck and whispered. "Do you think that could happen to me?"

Odin's chest hurt. "Oh, Loki." He took a deep breath. "No, my son. No. To pass in one's sleep one must be…quite old indeed."

Loki went still again. Odin gather Loki up further in his arms and held him against his chest. The hour was far too late. Probably, it would be a good idea to get them both to bed. Vanaheim could wait a few hours. He started to stand.

"And it won't happen to you either?"

He shifted Loki in his arms and raised them both from the seat. "I think you'll find I am not so old, Loki."

Thor would have laughed. He would have chuckled and squirmed in his father's arms. Loki grew somber.

"But when will you be?"

"Not for a long, long time, my son."

Loki looked down toward the floor. "Because you're king?"

"What?"

"Because you're king? It won't happen for a long time because you're king?"

Odin smiled. "Yes, Loki. Because I am king." He exited the study and began walking toward Loki's rooms.

"Maybe not at all, then."

Odin froze. "What makes you say that, Loki?"

"Because you're the king of kings. You said so. You said that the King of Asgard is the king of kings and the kings live on, so that means you won't pass in your sleep."

"Kings live on through their people, Loki. Through their subjects and families." Of all the conversations he would rather have with his son. "One day, when I am very old, and very weak, I will die. And I will live on, yes, but only in spirit. Though the people. And through your mother and brother." He looked down and smiled at his boy. "And through you."

Loki pressed his head back against his father's chest and let his father carry him to his rooms in silence. Odin opened the door to Loki's chambers with his elbow and laid him carefully down on the bed. Loki lay back against the pillows and Odin sat down next to him, running his hand's through his youngest's hair. When Loki's eyes closed, Odin turned to leave.

"Father?" Loki called out when Odin reached the doorframe.

"Yes?"

"You don't need to worry when you get old."

"And why not, Loki?"

"Because I'll be there." Loki yawned. "You said you'll die when you get old and weak, but you won't. Because I'll be there. And I can take care of you and Mother. Then maybe you'll get old, but you won't ever get weak. Because," Loki's eyes started to droop closed. "and then you and I can be together forever."

Odin walked back across the room and bent down to kiss his son's head. "Sleep, Loki." He raised the blankets around his son. "Your mother and I are very lucky to have you."


End file.
